Contemplations of Seniors...
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My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today.
I used to have some immunity built up,
but obviously there is a new strain out there.
▪
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history,
one thing I'm sure of …
it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
▪
Me: Sobbing my heart out,
"I can't see you anymore …
I'm not going to let you hurt me again.”
Trainer: "It was one sit-up. ”▪
Sorry I haven't gotten anything done today.
I've been in the Produce Department
trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
▪
Turns out that being a “senior”
is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
▪
Do you ever get up in the morning,
look in the mirror and think
"That can't be accurate."
▪
I want to be 14 again and
ruin my life differently.
I have new ideas.
▪
Teacher:
Give me a sentence which includes
the words: defense, defeat, detail.
Student:When a horse jumps over defense,
defeat go first and then detail.
▪
God promised men that good and obedient wives
would be found in all corners of the world.
Then he made the earth round…
and laughed and laughed and laughed.
▪
I'm on two diets.
I wasn't getting enough food on one.
▪
Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation
"Maybe next time," isn't the correct response.
▪
I put my scale in the bathroom corner
and that's where the little liar
will stay until it apologizes.
▪
Felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery.
The GPS blurted out
"You have reached your final destination."
▪
My mind is like an internet browser.
At least 19 open tabs,
3 of them are frozen
and I have no clue where
the music is coming from.
▪
Hard to believe I once had a phone
attached to a wall, and when it rang,
I picked it up without knowing
who was calling, and I'm still alive.
