Readers, Welcome to my blog (formerly Birds, Blooms, Books, etc). I'm entering a new decade taking on the challenge of moving from Maryland after living there 46 years and learning about my new home here in New England in the Live Free or Die state - New Hampshire. Join me as a write this new chapter of my life.

Friday, March 18, 2022

Good for a Laugh or Two

 Contemplations of Seniors...

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. 

I used to have some immunity built up, 

but obviously there is a new strain out there.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, 

one thing I'm sure of … 

it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me: Sobbing my heart out,

 "I can't see you anymore … 

I'm not going to let you hurt me again.”
Trainer: "It was one sit-up. ”

Sorry I haven't gotten anything done today.

 I've been in the Produce Department 

trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

Turns out that being a “senior” 

is mostly just googling how to do stuff. 

Do you ever get up in the morning, 

look in the mirror and think 

"That can't be accurate." 

I want to be 14 again and

ruin my life differently.

 I have new ideas. 


Give me a sentence which includes 

the words: defense, defeat, detail.

When a horse jumps over defense, 

defeat go first and then detail.

God promised men that good and obedient wives 

would be found in all corners of the world. 

Then he made the earth round…

and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. 

I wasn't getting enough food on one.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation 

"Maybe next time," isn't the correct response.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner 

and that's where the little liar 

will stay until it apologizes. 

Felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. 

The GPS blurted out 

"You have reached your final destination."

My mind is like an internet browser. 

At least 19 open tabs, 

3 of them are frozen 

and I have no clue where 

the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone 

attached to a wall, and when it rang, 

I picked it up without knowing 

who was calling, and I'm still alive.