Surgery Today!

 Preparing this on Monday so you can laugh on Friday.  Today is the thumb and carpal tunnel surgery.  It's to last 2.5 hours with recovery time in hospital 1.5 hours.  Dan will have a big book to read while he waits for me.  I don't expect to be posting for awhile but may leave some that I've prepared this week.

From Marilyn my source of everything funny:

Although not in the dictionary, it is reported that 
"Lexophile" describes a person who loves sentences such as, 
"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," 
and, "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

The annual 'New York Times' competition was held and here are the year's best original submissions:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

 

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

 

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

 

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid says he can stop any time.

 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

 

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

 

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

 

A will is a dead giveaway.

 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

 

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

 

He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.

 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

 

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

That's the point of it.

 

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

 

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 

When chemists die, they barium.

 

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.