These really had me laughing. Thanks to friend Marilyn for sharing them with me.
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house…..To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk among us!
-------------------------------------
*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted.....'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
They walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Real Estate agent which
direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ --------------
Traffic Camera
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He
figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even
though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went
around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly,
but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was
quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but
the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same
result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera
flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks
later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat
belt..
You can't fix stupid.
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her
weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ ------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ -------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the
lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'
(I work with professionals like this.)
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ ------------------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just
cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Among Us!
Dumb as a box of Rocks
TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where
Mitch McConnel happened to appear. Mr McConnel took the opportunity to
schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he
was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked, 'how you detect a
mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which
anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that
puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked McConnel.
Well, you might ask , 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world
and died during one of them. Which one?''
McConnel thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You
wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I
don't know much about history.'
Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk among us!
-------------------------------------
*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted.....'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
They walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Real Estate agent which
direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ --------------
Traffic Camera
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He
figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even
though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went
around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly,
but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was
quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but
the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same
result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera
flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks
later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat
belt..
You can't fix stupid.
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her
weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ ------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ -------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the
lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'
(I work with professionals like this.)
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------ ------------------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just
cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Among Us!
Dumb as a box of Rocks
TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where
Mitch McConnel happened to appear. Mr McConnel took the opportunity to
schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he
was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked, 'how you detect a
mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which
anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that
puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked McConnel.
Well, you might ask , 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world
and died during one of them. Which one?''
McConnel thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You
wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I
don't know much about history.'
Sadly, they walk among us!